Today

Reading about someone I discovered, then long forgot, then rediscovered again. Talking about the long fascinating and paradoxical figure of Jin Bihui [金璧輝]  or also Yoshiko Kawashima [川島芳子] (1909-1948). Woman, dapper bisexual, war spy, Chinese noble, Japanese insurgent attacheé, pop icon of a puppet state, and unorthodox human being, filled with attractive and wits. Despite a turbulent life and a progressively decadent style of life, including heroin during WWII, she often felt lonely and wrote to someone among her past lovers, men or women. In this case she wrote to actress Yoshiko Otaka [大鹰淑子], as if she felt her own execution closing in. It suddenly happened, shortly after.

It was wonderful to meet you after a long time. I don't know what will happen to me after this. Maybe this is the last time we will meet... As I look back, I wonder about my life. I get a strong feeling that it’s all amounted to nothing. When much is made of you in the world, you are truly a flower. But during that time there are also people who come to you in reckless throngs, hoping to make use of you. You shouldn’t let yourself get dragged along by such people. You should stick to your beliefs. This is the best time for you to speak up about exactly what you want for yourself. You do what you truly want.

Here before you is a good example of a person who was used by others and then thrown away like garbage. Have a good look at me. I offer this warning to you based on my own experience. Now I feel myself in a wide field staring out at the setting sun. I am lonely. I wonder where I should walk all by myself… You and I were born in different countries, but we have much in common, even our names. I’ve always worried about you.